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Unseen tears of a Broken Heart

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9th October 2014

6:48pm: fuckity fuckity fucking fuck ....

9th May 2014

2:05pm: think I have a series of new favorite quotes I hate you ted
"Actually, there is a word for that. It's love. I'm in love with her, okay? If you're looking for the word that means caring for someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want no matter how much it destroys you, its love! And when you love someone y-you just don't stop. Ever".
"But love doesn't make sense. You can't logic your way into or out of it. Love is totally nonsensical. But we have to keep doing it, or else we're lost and love is dead and humanity should just pack it in. Because love is the best thing we do."
"When you love someone you just, you...you don't stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy. Even then. Especially then. You just- you don't give up because if I could give up... If I could just, you know, take the whole world's advice and- and move on and find someone else, that wouldn't be love. That would be... That would be some other disposable thing that is not worth fighting for. But that is not what this is."
6:27am: wtf
damn you how I met your mother damn you

3rd May 2014

1:56pm: life
so life is life right now I've been going out running5-6 days of the week and it seems to be helping me out ive been playing better in football I've felt happier seem to have more energy that being said im still my same ol wall flower self and although that's not bad thing sometimes I wish I was more outgoing.... but it doesn't matter what I do I'll always think before I act... in other news pip moved in and we had our first "party" but only steve and heather showed up but atleast they showed up so it wasn't a complete failure just 98% lol well what ever

20th April 2014

11:47pm: so it begins
so I'm fed up with myself I tired of everything I do and everything I am becoming I started to try and change tonight hopefully I can keep it going and hopefully it isn't to late..... 3.8- 35

16th April 2014

11:13pm: This one goes out .....
So I had dinner with heather today after going just over a month with no contact and it was nice we chatted drank and as far as I could tell both had a good time ... It was alittle wired at first cuz I really didn't know what to expect because the two of us have been though a lot more then most two people can say( we've been super close and so far away that we only texted each other via facebook/phone for birthdays and holidays and just about every where inbetween ) so randomly being ask to get together cuz she wanted to talk was highly nervious for me but things ended pretty well she said she was sorry for how she was in the hospital and afterwards but in all honesty she didn't do anything wrong and she was completely honest with everything so theres no reason for her to feel bad, she also said the main reason she wanted to get together was so she could say she didn't like my cowboy hats and that's whatever she asked why I started wearing them and truthfully it was just because but I've always worn things that make me stand out because I don't stand out otherwise ( in middle school I wore silver sunglasses with yellow frames and everyone like it, freshmen year bleach blonde hair (long) stinking through an old fishermans hat with cartoons patches on it .... leading up to senior year tc where I was in charge respected I was in all indifferent forms the man I could ask on group of guys to give another guy shit all day cuz said guy was being a dick and said group would do it.... Heather must have met me at the worst timing in my life cuz tc gave me a confidence I didn't have and haven't had since but maybe part of that confidence was because of here cuz then just like now that girl is out of my league ( but haven't spent that much time thinking about all that yet so I cant tell if theres anything there but I have some time and some pot so I might come to an answer soon haha but who knowns) what I do know is at some point heather will read this and she is going to think one of a thousand things, and weather it be good bad or something else I cant control I'm happy knowing 2 things 1 weather I be tc,cowboy,irish,punk/rock/goth... what the future brings for me mikey heather you will always be an important person to me and I wouldn't trade my worst experience with you for anything because 2. no matter how you've changed grown .... I will be there and me being me (reguardless of what I where I can still make her smile, we have both changed but I know her and honestly that's enough for me ... so I don't think anyone will care what I have to say but I do .....

31st March 2014

8:39am: I can show you the world
Shining, shimmering, splendid
Tell me, princesjis, now when did
You last let your heart decide?

I can open your eyes
Take you wonder by wonder
Over, sideways and under
On a magic carpet ride

A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no or where to go
Or say we're only dreaming

6th March 2014

8:56pm: He's a wallflower. You see things. You keep quiet about them. And you understand

Someone who could be called shy, someone who doesn't feel comfortable around other people. They don't like to have attention on them because it makes them uncomfortable. They like to stay off to the side at parties or dances. They have trouble talking to people because they don't know what to say. Talking to new people is not their strongest point, and standing up in front of people can make them feel awful. They may act fake around their friends to hide their real quiet personality, but to everyone else, they're invisible. Just because they're "antisocial" doesn't mean they're snobby. They just would rather watch then be involved. They know things about people that you would never know unless you watched as closely as them. You could tell anything to a wallflower and they'd never tell anyone because they try to avoid talking to people. They can be the best people, if you take the time to crack their thick shell. The opposite sex doesn't seem to consider them very much, but if you got to know them, they'd be great. They are usually attracted to other wallflowers because they are like eachother. Wallflowers are beautiful.

3rd March 2014

10:40pm: so yea
True love is the soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another.

25th February 2014

10:36pm: a raj day
so things have been kinda meh lately and I don't really know what to do so I am going to have myself a raj ( from the big bang theory) day. After I get out of work on sunday i'm going to come home shower and eat then grab my ferrets and bring them to petsmart for a new toy or new treats or something them come home and give them a bath (muh hahaha they hate baths and then let them run around drying off whilst I cuddle up with Nicholas sparks. Its 2 out of the 3ish things that I think could break me out of this funk im in and hey 2 out of 3 aint bad right I think this could be good....... picture003

22nd February 2014

9:43pm: cant shakw it
And yet the next day although not the best day I could have had it did end on a very good note hopefuly my positive good luck will keep going like this for a little bit

21st February 2014

6:47pm: blarg
I dont think today could get much worse fact of the matter the only luck I've had the past few day is bad luck but thus far today has topped them all I just need this all to end I need to get out of my head stop thinking about things that wont happen so I can relax and hopefully change my luck ..... Whatever

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

16th February 2014

10:29pm: quote of my night
Love should never be a secret, if you keep something as complicated as love inside it will make you sick

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

15th February 2014

12:09pm: v-day
So yesterday was Valentines day and like the majority of them in my life I spent it alone witch sucks cuz in all honesty it is one of my favorite holidays and I worked (such a bad day) came home ate alone watched a movie, the only good time I had was after eating I took the ferrets out and played with them, those weasels can turn most days around( ive been working on teaching them tricks, so far they can do up and spin and sometimes buzz will do kisses , but rylan is best and I think its mostly the drool always around his mouth lol) anyway that is how I spent vday nothing to special but it always can be worse but time to work on setting up my room just moved into steves dads condo and thus far as been good so I guess later lj maybe ill post later

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

9th January 2014

9:03pm: hmmph
so I think I came to a little bit of a break through in my life. I have trouble letting go of things from my past, and I think I figured out why. Growing up as kind of a reckless kid I was hit in the head and I know for a fact that I suffered concussion more then once and the last one was sophomore year. But I think I have trouble because I have no memory of my early childhood, and only sporatic fuzzy memory of my later childhood, the first real memory I have is middle schoolish. so I think I hold onto things that I can so I don't lose anymore memorizes
I came across this after dropping pat off after work I didn't want to go home so I drove around from the school to old friends houses like I would after school then to the parks or other places I hung out all whilst having a lot on my mind cuz of a good smooth talking friend.....
on the other hand yesterday was my bday and it was a really good time and I got to hang out with people I don't see all the time
Current Mood: sad

7th January 2014

10:50am: Do you want to see a movie?
Come on, let go hang out
I only see you here and there
Please pick up your phone
It's like I've lost my way
We used to see each other everyday
But now we don't
Although I do know why
Do you want to see a movie
It doesn't have to be a movie....

21st December 2013

5:37pm: Christian: Love is a many splendored thing,
Love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love.
Satine: Please, don't start that again.

C: All you need is love.
S: A girl has got to eat.

C: All you need is love.
S: Or she'll end up on the streets.

C: All you need is love.
S: Love is just a game.

C: I was made for loving you baby, you were made for loving me.
S: The only way of loving me baby, is to pay a lovely fee.

C: Just one night, give me just one night.
S: There's no way, 'cause you can't pay.

C: In the name of love, one night in the name of love.
S: You crazy fool, I won't give in to you.

C: Don't leave me this way,
I can't survive without your sweet love, oh baby
Don't leave me this way.
S: You'd think that people would have had enough of silly love songs.

C: I look around me and I see, it isn't so, oh no.
S: Some people want to fill the world with silly love songs.

C: Well what's wrong with that? I'd like to know.
'Cause here I go again!
Love lifts us up where we belong,
Where eagles fly, on a mountain high.
S: Love makes us act like we are fools,
Throw our lives away, for one happy day.

C: We could be heroes! Just for one day.
S: You, you will be mean.

C: No I won't!
S: And I, I'll drink all the time.

C: We should be lovers.
S: We can't do that.

C: We should be lovers, and that's a fact.
S: Though nothing, will keep us together.

C: We could steal time...
Both: Just for one day. We could be heroes, forever and ever.
We could be heroes, forever and ever. We could be heroes...
C: Just because I will always love you.

S: I
Both: Can't help loving you
S: How Wonderful life is
Both: Now you are in the world

7th November 2013

8:10pm: random rant dont mind me
ok the only thing i have to say is the person who claims it is better to have loved and lost then never loved at all should be kicked in the head because i dont think they know what lost love feels like. Ok ill grant them that loveing someone is the all time best feeling out there honestly no better feeling ive ever felt, but being on the other side of that and know what it feels to lose that love is mind and body numbing pain ive been stabbed, kicked, punched, tackled, hit, smacked, poped, rocked, dumped,shot down, and shot( point blank with a paintball gun and froozen paintballs ouch) and nothing has ever been as bad as loseing.... oh well enough feeling bad for myslef time to take the ferrets out , they always make me feel better and pot and 2 comedies wont hurt the night either

23rd October 2013

7:30pm: some of my favorite quotes
“I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough..”

“So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday.”

"When a man was asked if he could have one wish what would it be?
"He said he wished he could watch his favorite movie again for the first time ever"
"I wish for the same thing that we could meet for the first time again, that there wasnt so much about me i wish you would forget...

22nd October 2013

3:02pm: wow
wow so this was a mistake unpacking one of my boxes and i found some of my old cd's and i made the mistake of listen to two of them although the songs on them are good songs the cd's being gifts given to me years ago and the songs on them kinda hit deep its been awhile since ive felt this low ....

20th October 2013

10:59am: so i think its about time to add to my family gotta get ahold of someone first though

10th October 2013

8:36pm: sinking in
So im on my 2nd night away from ellen and today I started unpacking my stuff I feel like the biggest asshole but I needed this idk what the future will bring an old ex,one I know wants me back but I dont think that will happen, I could get back tigether with ellen I could find new love I just need to wait and see but this time is mine to figure things out I have kinda plans with heather in 3ish weeks going to the haunted hay ride and im looking forward to it cuz with ellen haunted,gory,scary,anything was a no go and I might not be mr. gruff and tuff no fear, infact I scare kinda easy but I do like it fear is part of life you can run from it or learn from it(rafikie(sp)) lol but typing on my phone is pissing me off damn little keys so later

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

19th September 2013

HAHAHA not really did i fool anyone? Most likely not cuz i dont think anyone reads this journal of mine anymore Basicly from my last post i found out a few things from my family but first let me bring up monday. monday i went to the big e with steve adam jennie and bman had some drinks and a good time ellen couldnt make it cuz she had work, well tues she tells me that she was upset with me cuz i went to the big e monday night, fuck you im suppose to sit around the house and not hang out with my friends cuz you have work i couldnt believe it . so tues afternoon i go to pay the cable bill and after i go to megs house and she tells me that i few things ellen said to her the friday before we all went to the faire in carver. meg asked if she was going and ellen said i didnt know that she had a choice to go or not. meg said ofcoarse you do no one is makeing you go ( and no one is and i would have rather her not go cuz she was in a pissy mood most of the day again cuz of the kids ) but she said that she had to go if she wanted to spend the day with me (well guess what we dont need to spend every day off together from when we get up to when we go to bed ) and i guess ellen and my parents talked (mom cuz dad doesnt really talk) cuz i went to my parents house after megs and my mom asked if everything was ok between us cuz ellen seemed to have a stick up her nose the last time they talked add all that together and im done unless something drastic happens before the end of the weekend its over and the only reason im waiting till the end of the weekend is cuz she has a big work thing over the weekend and i dont want to put her in a crappy mood cuz of everything it doenst seem right to me to do it before hand, and i guess it also falls into one of problems i tend to give people more chances then i should but oh well

You were a pain girl
A thorn in my side
Drove me insane girl
A white knuckle ride

So why do I go looking through old photographs
And chase you down the hallways of our checkered past
Hold on for dear life
And keep the fire fed

Oughta let go, but instead...

Its like I'm pressing on a bruise, to see if it still hurts
Right now that's all I've got left of you
Everybody knows, that just makes it worse
But still I do

Could start a new life
I could move on,
I could do a drive by
And see if you're home

Now there's a fine, fine line between a memory
And something any shrink would call an injury
But its not over long as you're still hurting me
And as I turn on to your street

Its like I'm pressing on a bruise, to see if it still hurts
Right now that's all I've got left of you
Anybody knows, that just makes it worse
But still I do

Still I do
Still I do
Still love you

Well she's the kinda girl put your world on hold
Walk the halls and you check your phone
Gave up the ghost and the ghost keeps holding on

And you run from the sun but you curse the rain
Lost the love so you nurse the pain
Going on and on and on
Singing that same song

But shes gone
(No, I can't just let it go)
You could choke on those glory days
(Can't just let it heal)
With a broken heart and a bitter taste
(No, I cant just let it go)
You light it up cause she burned you down
(Can't just let it heal)
Smoking those memories to the ground

Its like I'm pressing on a bruise
Yeah, that's the thing about love and pain
? and nothing to say
No, I cant just let it go
You got to let it go and go and go
No, I cant just let it heal
sounds alot like how my life has been in the past...

18th September 2013

5:22pm: Boy do I have an update for later on tonight or tomorrow , although I don't know if anyone reads my updates or not

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

10th September 2013

8:01pm: i just feel so lost
I dont know why im writing on here its not going to help one bit everything about me is changing and i really dont know what to do i dont come to people with my problems its one of my biggest faults and i know this, but its because i know that everyone has there own problems to deal with and dont need to deal with mine and ive always thought that i was able to handle my own problems myself and that even if it took longer then i wanted that i could handle what life threw at me ... I know that holding everything inside is stupid that every now and again everyone need help even me ive just always had such troble opening up to people and ive always revealing how ive felt even posting on here ive never liked it because i dont like people worrying about me. Ive never truely noticed just how weak of a person i truely am, and i dont know if its cuz i was brought up to think this way is it part of my genetics, or is it really just me hiding who i truely am like i do all the time i stay in the shadow stay out of the spotlight so if i ever need to i can exit with no one noticeing me gone. would anyone notice me gone sure at first maybe but my life is nothing special the world as it is would still turn people would still live on with there day to day and some people would be sad but what possible help am i to any of them, i feel like such a failure . and i feel so much anger towards myself i know that i shouldnt think that way i know that im important to people people i wouldnt ever want to hurt/ or hurt again but i just cant shake this feeling, i have a mental block and i cant shake it and i cant change the way that i feel/ the way that i have always felt, i want to fill my life back up with happiness i like being happy and bringing happiness to others but i just feel like my life is full of holds that i cant fix or clog up i feel like im loseing everything and i havent lost anything at all i think ive already decided what im going to do and if anyone is reading this is nothing life threating so dont worry

A gun goes off in a far off city
A siren wails right here at home
Well sometimes life ain't all that pretty
When you're watching it all alone

You build a wall around your feelings
Just another heart afraid to break
And you don't wanna let me in cause really
What difference can I make?

I can't change the world
Baby, that's for sure
But if you let me, girl
I can change yours
I bet I can change yours

So let Jesus look down on this mess
And let the powers that be just fuss and fight
Cause everyone needs to pick their battles and
We all realize

That I can't change the world
Baby, that's for sure
But if you let me, girl
I can change yours
I bet I can change yours

And every time you light a flame
You just get burned and you feel like
It's all in vain
You feel like
You need to learn that no one's gonna save you
No, no one's gonna save you
But I'm standing here
My heart's on my sleeve
Never gonna let you down
Never ever gonna leave you

Baby, that's for sure
Oh I can't change the world
But I can change yours
I bet I can change yours

heard this for the first time today on the radio and my first thought was you,... i dont know if it a good thing or not with how things feel like theyve been going for me im thinking probly not but it was still a nice thought for the moment
Current Mood: blah
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